A New Year...

.. a new age.

That is what everyone is saying, but what does that even mean. Is it just a way to motivate or are things really going to change. I've been in a rut. All of the changes that seem to be taking place don't seem to be anything good. Maybe it's because I am older, or just noticing more then I used to. Hopefully I can remove myself from this hole I dug myself into. I need motivation and do not know where to find it. This road isn't as straight as I originally planned it to be.

Here I am again

All hopes and dreams and no motivation.

How does this happen. Why can't I stick with it? I feel so lazy and miserable. I can not stick to a schedule to save my life. I can't start a workout program or healthy diet and actually keep up with it. I can't even get up early enough to have "me time" before my daughter wakes up. I feel like a horrible person. I need to do something about it, but what? Don't get me wrong, my daughter is well taken care of and our house is kept, but not to my possibly "irrational expectations". It is 12/12/1012, let's start a project. 

A Survey

I need a little randomness today. 

Here is a series of questions that I got from this random blog that I came across. (Uniquely Normal)

1. What is your best friend's Mom's name? 

I have numerous best friends. To be safe, I will say Cindy.

2. Where is the weirdest place you have a mole? 

Do chimmies count (my mom called moles that didn't stick up chimmies. I don't know why) If so, then I will say a small chimmy on the bottom of my left foot.

3. Who was the hottest teacher you ever had? 

I honestly could not remember a teachers name if I tried. I will go with an English teacher I had freshman year. He was kind of mean, and would randomly pull my scrunchies out of my hair during class. Maybe that is why I liked him.

4. Have you ever made out in a movie theater?

Of course, especially if the movie is dumb or if you are the only ones in there.

5. What body part do you wash first? 

hmmm I never really thought about it, I usually start on my chest and collar bone area.

6. Do you hover over the toilet in public bathrooms? 

Sometimes when my anxiety levels get the best of me and everything is dirty. I generally try not to use public restrooms at all.

7. What's the strangest talent you have?

 I am double jointed? That isn't really a strange talent though.

8. Do you have an innie or an outtie? 

Definate innie

9. What's your favorite flavored Pringles? 

Pizza probably. I haven't eaten them in a long time. I don't even know my options anymore.

10. Have you ever been tied up? Do you want to be?

Yes, and under the right circumstances. 

11. What was the last thing you ever got grounded for? 

Hmmm, welp, considering I am 27 years old, it's hard to remember. I didn't get grounded often, but it was probably around 14 years old or so.

12. Do you parallel park or drive around the block? 

I have the ability to parallel park, but I usually do not have a need for it.

13. Have you ever had two dates in one night?

What does a date consist of really? I mean, I have hung out with two different people in one day before.

14. How many times have you been cussed out? 

To my face, probably not since high school. Behind my back, who knows. Most people tend to be able to have grown-up conversations with me if they have a problem.

15. Which shoe do you put on first? 

Also something I have never thought of, but probably the right most of the time.

17. Have you ever been to a gay bar? 

Not that I remember, I normally do not go to bars. Too expensive. I can just drink at home.

18. Girls...?

Is this a question? Let's say girls usually have a vagina.

19. Is there one thing all of your love interests have had in common? 

Well, most of them have been pretty different from each other, other then them actually liking me back at one point in time.

20. Did you French kiss before you were 16? 

Yup, my first kiss was freshman year. I won't bore you with details.

21. Have you ever been cow-tipping or snipe-hunting?

I am from Iowa, I know of people doing it, but I managed to stay away from it somehow.

22. Who is the last person you usually think about before you fall asleep? 

Depends on the day, but always thinking of my daughter, and making sure she is sleeping sound.

23. Have you ever had a poem or a song written about you? 

Yup

24. If you had to choose to not ever wash your bed sheets again or not wash your bath towel ever again, which would you rather not wash? 

Well, I guess I am the cleanest when I come out of the shower so it would take longer for my towel to go bad. On the other hand if you didn't wash your sheets you could always take a shower. Tough question. I will stick with towel for now and reserve my right to change my mind.

25. Have you ever found anything in your parents' bedroom that was questionable? 

This is the point where I become 100% sure this survey was meant for teenagers, but again, what survey isn't. Nothing that I have ever found in my parents room was questionable that I can remember.

26. What was your childhood nickname?

Oh I had millions. CandyMandy, SkinnyMinny, MandaPanda, Moona, Monndust, etc. 

27. When is the last time you played the air guitar?

I don't put times like that into my memory bank. I'm actually not even sure if I have ever done it.

28. Have you ever peeked in the opposite sexes locker room? 

Another teenage question. And who hasn't been in the opposite sex's locker room, I mean come on.

29. What's the weirdest thing you have done while driving? 

What is weird? I am usually pretty good at driving when I am driving. Let's say drive with my left leg up on the seat. My first car was automatic. No need for a left foot.

30. Have you ever bitten your toenails? 

Not unless I did when I was a kid. I'm too told to be that flexible.

31. How do you eat your cookie? 

HA!! I am not flexible enough for that either. (sorry, had to make some adult content, this survey was a bad idea. Can't go back now.)

32. When working out at the gym, do you wear a belt? 

Why would I work out at the gym? I am too lazy to work out at home. Why would I wear a belt? I'm confused.

33. Name something you do when you're alone that you wouldn't do in front of others. 

Another adult question maybe?  lol no, I do the same weird stuff in front of people as I do when I am alone.

36. How many drinks does it take before you get drunk? 

At this point, let's say < 1

37. Have you ever sniffed an animal's butt?

and what would be the point of ever doing that? I have sniffed my child's butt to see if she needed a diaper change. Easier then trying to look sometimes. Sorry, mom stuff.

38. How often do you clean out your ears? 

Like cotton swab or get them flushed out. The answer is either probably not enough, or never again (getting your ears flushed out is a traumatizing experience.

39. Do you scrunch or fold your toilet paper? 

Fold, scrunching is too random. It's not reliable.

40. About how many times a day do you pick a wedgie?

It's involuntary, so I couldn't say but I would guess not often, because the underwear I wear doesn't really cause wedgies.

41. Do you have any strange phobias? 

Nothing strange. All normal stuff.

42. Have you ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? 

Sticking anything in your nose is a foreign object, so yes.

43. What is the stupidest thing you've ever done at a bar? 

Again, not a bar person. (maybe it's not for teenagers?) but let's just say try to dance on a stripper pole. I was clothed, and probably looked dumb so don't worry.

44. Have you ever been dared to do something you totally regretted? 

Regret is a weird word, Everything ends up teaching you something at least. No one has ever dared me to hurt anyone so I can't say that I have done any dares to regret.

45. Have you ever called your love interest by an ex's name? 

I don't think so.

46. Have you caught a guy/girl farting while on a date? 

I don't think so, if I did it probably isn't something I would put in the memory bank.

47. Have you ever played naked Twister?

Not completely naked.

48. Have you ever been drunk at work?

Hungover, yes. Drunk, no.

49. Have you ever found your date's/lover's brother or sister more attractive?

My husband doesn't have any siblings, but if he did, I am sure that I would not because that is just creepy.

50. Do you want to bring sexy back?

Ummm, I don't know if I could handle the consequences. I don't know if YOU could handle the consequences, 

you're welcome for waisting a little bit of your life by making you read all of that.

Recap

No Soda Days.

 So as you know I decided to quit drinking Pepsi. I made it 20 days. I went from 119 lbs to 116 lbs in a week. Then Thanksgiving happened and I went up to 118 lbs. By the next week I was up to 121 lbs. A new highest number. :( Needless to say, I drank 7.5 ounces of Pepsi yesterday and 7.5 ounces of Pepsi today. I'm feeling pretty bad about it, I know. I just hate gaining weight after I start trying to lose it. It's so frustrating that I could lose weight without trying before, but now that I am trying, I just get heavier. UGH! (I an only 5'3 and my normal weight is about 100 lbs. I went back to 102 after I gave birth. I am just not used to seeing those numbers.)

It's that...

Time of year.

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving.  This is the first year we had the tree up the weekend after Thanksgiving. Actually, it is only the second year of actually having a tree as a couple, and we have been together for over 10 years. Funny how having children changes even the tiniest things.

It's the small things

If you have a toddler, 

and you don't have a bag of plastic balls, you might want to rethink your situation.

For my daughters first birthday, we got a bag of plastic balls and placed them in her playpen for a make shift ball pit. Going almost a year strong, and she still loves them. Granted she is more interested in dumping them out all over the floor instead of jumping in them. It's a good time either way. 

Baking

With the little one

My daughter always wants to watch me do things in the kitchen. I normally do not bake because I am afraid of it (Plus I hate doing dishes), but I thought it would be fun for her to be involved in some sort of kitchen activity. Since thanksgiving is approaching, pumpkin pie seemed the way to go. But instead of one big pie, I thought little ones in a muffin tin would be cuter. 

She loved it! We just used box crust and the recipe on the back of the pumpkin pie. And despite using vanilla almond milk instead of evaporated milk, and no cloves just extra cinnamon because this mommy wasn't prepared, it turned out great. She had so much fun, and I loved getting to do it together. This growing up thing that she is doing has some perks. 

The pictures turned out great as well, although sometimes I feel like I take too many and do not focus on the moment as much as I should. I always enjoyed looking at pictures and videos of my childhood, and hopefully she will enjoy these photos when she gets older just as much as I do. 

I think more mommy/daughter baking days are in our future. I also need to start thinking of more fun activities we can to together. I would like to start turning her nursery into a big girl room soon so she will be help with that. Maybe we will even try gardening in the spring. 

Recap

Holding myself accountable for yesterday's goals

Well, I would say things went well yesterday. I woke up at 6:30. This, however, was only achieved due to the fact that my daughter also woke up at 6:30 instead of 8:30. None the less, I got up early. 

I went through the whole day without a pop (aka soda for those of you not from the midwest) That is two whole days without pepsi. Needless to say, I am in a lot of pain today, the headache is horrible, I feel drained, and I can not get my mind off of my husband's Mt. Dew in the fridge. Other then all of that though, I do feel less bloated and I am down 3 lbs from the oh so dreaded highest number ever that i had achieved the other day. (I'm saving that for another post)


As for the eating every couple hours thing, that went well. I am not focusing on eating healthy just yet, but I try to make a conscious effort when selecting my food. I think eating that often is going to be a hard habit to keep, especially considering I usually only eat once or twice a day. It does seem to keep me from grabbing a can of empty calories to fill me up though.

As for my goals to clean zone 1 and complete a load of laundry, I completed it. Unfortunately  I didn't go above and beyond, but hey, I accomplished something. Please excuse the lack of decor. That is another thing on my "to-do" list that I must tackle. 

Today, I plan on doing to same except with zone 2 of course. (entryway, hallway, laundry room) I have been snacking every couple hours, and yes, still no pop. I am also already to the folding stage of today's load of laundry. 

All of this may seem pointless, but it seems to give me some sort of purpose for the day. Hopefully it will all become complete habit, and I can move on to bigger and better life challenges. 

Motivation Mondays

Every week, I say to myself, "On Monday, I will start over." Sure enough, Monday rolls around and starting over is a thing of the past. Not this time. Or at least, I hope not this time. As a woman who has to base her life around schedules and lists, I am not very good at it. 

Main goals for this week:

• Work out a little bit (I hate this one, but I know it needs to be done, especially being at home all the time)
• Wake up earlier then my daughter ( I tend to sleep till the very last second of her waking up)
• Eat less, more often (I tend to shove my face once a day, my metabolism is showing me proof that doing that is a bad idea)
• Get something accomplished every day. (It is way more then possible)
• Drink a little water (at this point my water intake is 0 and it has been for a long time)
• Drink less pepsi (I want to cry just putting that on the list, but even though I think it makes me feel good, it probably is part of the reason I feel like crap 24/7.)

So, here is my basic schedule for today, I will do my best to keep to it.

Wake up at 6:45
Eat breakfast at 8 (snack or meal every 2 or 3 hours until 6 or 8)
Clean zone 1 - kitchen,living room, dining room (Yes, my house has zones)
One load of laundry, start to finish (yes, that means putting it away)
Drink tea or water, no pepsi (this will be my second day without pepsi, i am already in pain)

Seems pretty simple right? Well, I thought i would set my expectations low and hopefully go beyond this, but it's a start.

Here is to a healthy-"er" lifestyle.

Lazy Sundays

Toddler Activities

The thought of my daughter "growing-up" is something I do not usually like to discuss. Even though, I miss those days of snuggling a newborn, I can't get over how imaginative she is becoming. I love watching her play. It puts me in a state of awe how well she picks up on things. I wish I knew what was going on in that little brain of hers as she plays so intently. 

Our Home

Making a house a home

My whole life I had been waiting for the moment where I moved into MY house and could do anything I wanted to it. We have lived in this house for 3 years now, and the only room I have painted and decorated is the nursery for my daughter. (which almost doesn't count considering that room is also about to turn into a toddler room now that she will be two soon,)

The kitchen, however, has been painted. I wanted something bold so we decided on red. That didn't work. So I went with my current favorite color, grey. I do love it, but it needs lots of love before I can love the room itself. Budget is an issue as always, so sweet flooring, glass back splashes, new appliances, and re doing the cabinets will have to wait. Now the big question is what to do with that space above the cabinets. 

Inspiration

 

Visual Stimulation 

I have been filling my "inspiration wall" with magazine tear-outs, images that I find interesting, and work that I have created. I feel it is a way to -train myself to inspire myself- if that makes any sense. The wall also helps me to see growth in my work. Sometimes it is hard to see that I am actually getting better at certain things, and it doesn't help that I am never truly satisfied with the finished product. Maybe if I see that I am growing as a designer and as an artist, I will be able to feel more confident in my finished products. I have decided to call it "the refrigerator effect". Did your mother ever put your artwork or school assignments on the fridge? Doing this may not only force me to be proud of what I have accomplished, but will challenge me to do something better to replace it in the future.

Be Happy

The Pursuit of Happiness?

The Declaration of Independence says we are "endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among them are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Hmmmm, what does that even mean? 

The second week in November (8th-14th) is National Pursuit of happiness week. To remind everyone that you have the right to pursue happiness. Well, what is happiness and how do you get it? To some, it's material needs, to others, it's family and friends. Some believe it's just an inner peace that requires only self, while others seem to require the help of a mentor or counselor. 

The definition of pursue is to find or employ measures to obtain or accomplish: seek, but it also means to follow in order to overtake, capture, kill or defeat. (ref:  http://www.merriam-webster.com)
I assume the first definition applies, and today is a good day to start finding measures to obtain happiness.

Life

Have you ever wondered what your purpose in life is?

I think about it daily. What are my goals? What do I want to be? Why do I want to accomplish these things? I do not have the answers, but I am starting the journey of finding myself. I recently took up classes in Graphic Design to try and earn my BFA in fine arts. I want to immerse myself in the culture. I want an identity. I want to become a professional designer.

I also need to get over my "instant satisfaction" complex. It has plagued me my entire life. I always need an answer as soon as the question pops into my brain. Why? I am not sure? It is not always necessary, but I feel like I can not function without it. I always need some sort of direction. Constantly taking notes, making schedules and goals for myself, but never following through is an issue that I deal with daily. I need to learn how to take a problem and break it down to a point where it is no longer a problem, but a challenge. My general expectations for myself are too high for me to live up to. At least for this moment. I need to morph my expectations into goals that can be accomplished over time. 

I have been researching happiness. Originally, I didn't believe in it (still not completely convinced of it's existence). I have always considered it some sort of excuse to generalize other feelings that people were experiencing. It is starting to seem like there is a recipe for it, a sort of method. It may be possible to teach yourself how to be happy. To condition yourself to think, act, breath, live in a different way that can promote positive outcomes. This isn't something that will happen over night. It might not even happen for years, or even at all for that matter.  Is it worth it?... Probably... It can't hurt right?